There is no quick fix.

Many humans wants a quick fix. “Give me magic dear therapist, I just want this pain to go”. And I often respond to such statements with something like this, “Sorry to burst your bubble, I don’t have such a thing to offer you”. ⁣

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Humans are lazy. They don’t want to do the work. Perhaps because the brain is evolved for short-cuts, perhaps because of our philosophy of life - that there should not be suffering but continuous pleasure and ease. But then why do we easily accept that to build muscle, and tone our bodies, we must go and do the work through physical pressure? ⁣

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Human adults are also scared little children. It is so painful to be exposed, so we avoid places where the truth sits. The truth that we have wounds. The truth that we’ve been hurt. The truth that we’re not, after all, perfect. The truth that we do make mistakes. The truth that we are at risk of rejection. The truth that we won’t be liked for as we are, without conditions. So people run far, far away from the truth. ⁣

In intimate and healthy relationships, our truth gets exposed. We find a partner who we, whether we like it or not, start to open up to. And those who fear this as a child fears being told off, will run as far away as they can. They’ll look for distractions. They’ll look for validation elsewhere that does not expose the truth. ⁣

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But this is the work, friends. This is what is necessary to build a courageous, soft and receiving heart. To first of all, allow our very own selves to accept our wounds, fears and truths. You are a fallible human being, we all are, but this is in your nature. No one ever promised you that you wouldn’t be. Lower your standards of the ‘ideal’ human, and start with humility. It is okay to have weaknesses, wounds, pain. Start with accepting that. Then start doing the work, and go to the places where the truth, not ease, sits.