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If you avoid conflict to keep the peace, you start a war inside yourself.

Then there are those who just avoid conflict. They feel so uncomfortable to confront others because of the turmoil it will cause, that they are willing to stack it all up within them. They commit to feeling the discomfort alone instead of making the other angry, upset, annoyed. This fear is real, but it is unfortunate.⁣

When we avoid having difficult conversations we abandon ourselves. We neglect our feelings, thoughts, views, our right to have a say in our lives, our right to be hurt, our right to be heard and seen. And so a bigger conflict starts within us. We build layers and layers of hurt, anger, annoyance, and we make ourselves live with a war within us. ⁣

If you’re the type to avoid conflict, you’ve most likely learned at some point in life that this is the ‘appropriate’ thing to do. You may have been given the message that the needs of others are more important than the needs of your own. You would have likely even seen this behaviour modelled around you. ⁣


Start small. Even if it’s about writing down your hurt, or speaking to someone else (not the person you’re hurt with) about what you’re feeling, it will support you in realising your right to having your feelings known and heard. The more you practice this, the stronger your awareness that your needs matter. ⁣

Another way to look at this is to ask, what is the worst case scenario if you were to confront? We know that it’s not death - since that is the worst case scenario for most humans in anything. You will come out of it alive. The other may be annoyed, but is that your responsibility? Truth is, we do not control how others feel - and we never will be able to. ⁣

Defend your happiness, because no one else will.




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