Don't be a victim of life. Take the lead role.

To play the victim role, a person’s key script says “poor me, bad others”. One who plays this role has an image of themselves as powerless, oppressed, ashamed and hopeless. A key trait is to show themselves as highly sensitive, like a kid who wants every tantrum to be excused and soothed. You often have to be very careful around them, not to trigger them, hurt or upset them. They take little responsibility for circumstances they don’t like. Yet they also like to deny having any power to change circumstances of life. ⁣

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Some signals of the victim mentality are:

• Their co-dependency on others for sympathy drains people in their life, and it is difficult to tell if they appreciate the care and support.⁣

• They manipulate or abuse others verbally, then blame the other (the real victim) for provoking the abuse.⁣

• They develop relationships/friendships with those who abuse them to then convince themselves of their bad luck and misfortune.

• They become attached to keeping the victim identity. So they will never want to maintain healthy relationships. ⁣

Why are some people drawn to the victim role? They have likely suffered through trauma but did not manage to develop a healthy coping mechanism. Therefore, they develop a distrustful perception of life. A motivation here is to satisfy unconscious needs of seeking validation and sympathy from others. This is a strategy to get attention.⁣

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Victim mentality is learned. It not an inherent personality trait, but something learned from the environment and seeing how significant people in their life cope with negative circumstances. ⁣

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This means it can be unlearned. There is nothing attractive about the victim role. It will push people away, and so the person will never get out of the victim mentality. They literally manifest misfortune in their own lives - yet sadly, think it’s on others. ⁣

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One of the first steps to unlearn this role is to read about it, and then identify the core lines that is being repeated. Then, change those core lines. This can be difficult to do alone. Seeking therapy can support this. ⁣

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Don’t be a victim of life. Take the lead. And if you are around victims, be cautious of these signs.