The 3 voices in your head: Mental health tools

In each every one of us, there are three voices: The Parent, Adult and Child.

These voices develop from our early life experiences and play a key role in shaping how we think, feel, and behave. Understanding where these "voices" come from can help you gain deeper self-awareness and break free from unhealthy patterns.

The Parent: This is the voice that sounds like your caregivers — it can be critical ("Don't do that!") or nurturing ("Are you okay?").

The Adult: This is your calm, logical side that makes decisions based on facts and reason.

The Child: This is your emotional, impulsive side — the part that feels excitement, fear, or frustration.

Throughout your day, you switch between these modes without even realizing it.

How These "Voices" Affect Conversations

• If your Parent talks to someone’s Child, you might sound bossy or controlling.

• If your Child responds to someone’s Parent, you might react emotionally or defensively.

• The healthiest interactions happen when both people speak from their Adult side — calm, clear, and thoughtful.

Your Outlook on Life Matters

People generally see themselves and others in one of four ways:

• "I'm OK — You're OK" (Healthy mindset — you respect yourself and others).

• "I'm OK — You're NOT OK" (You feel superior or blame others).

• "I'm NOT OK — You're OK" (You feel insecure, like you’re not good enough).

• "I'm NOT OK — You're NOT OK" (A negative, hopeless outlook).

The goal is to develop the "I'm OK — You're OK" mindset, which encourages confidence and positive relationships.

We repeat unhealthy patterns

Many of our behaviors come from childhood experiences — like mental “scripts” we keep following. For example, if you were often criticized as a child, you might grow up feeling "I'm NOT OK" — even if that’s no longer true. Recognizing these patterns is the first step to changing them.

The key takeaway is to:

• Notice which “voice” you’re using — Parent, Adult, or Child.

• Shift to your Adult voice when solving problems or dealing with conflict.

• Adopt the "I'm OK — You're OK" mindset to create healthier, more positive connections.

  
  

Through this you can understand your reactions, improve your communication, and break free from negative thought patterns. By learning to approach situations with calmness and respect — both for yourself and others — you can improve your relationships and overall well-being.