Why do I have low self-esteem?

Do you battle with poor self-esteem? Perhaps you feel unworthy? Too frequently, we persuade ourselves that we are not worthy of the life we want or that we are unworthy of someone else.

"We sabotage the great things in our lives because deep down we don't feel worthy of having the great things."

What is true is that we feel this way, but it is false that we are unworthy of such tremendous achievements. In truth, we are deserving of many wonderful experiences in life. The worst critic is yourself. We condemn ourselves more than our harshest enemies could. It is crucial for our mental health that we begin working on taking care of our thoughts and begin increasing our self-esteem and value. This isn't easy, and can be a struggle to rebuild self-esteem and value. However, slowly, you can realise that you are capable of big things. There is some good advice for dealing with emotions of low self-worth and regaining your self-esteem.

Low self-esteem is based on past experiences, relationships and life events that have left a traumatic impact on us. When we have not faced the things that pained and hurt us, we will remain stuck in a certain attitude about ourselves. We start forming a sense of self from the moment we are born. Our relationships and experiences teach us about our place in the world, how we are treated, and whether we are worthy of care, love, and attention.

If we are given the message - directly or indirectly - that we do not meet expectations, or that we are lacking something, we start to believe that we are undeserving of love or belonging. These early beliefs can become deeply embedded and, without realising it, can follow us into adulthood.

But you can unlearn these negative self-beliefs. They are not permanent, but lingering beliefs that need to be challenged. It is possible to view yourself with kindness, trust, and respect - but it does take work.

1. Set achievable goals & celebrate your effort

• Break big goals down into small, manageable steps. Trying to do everything at once is only going to overwhelm you and lead to more self criticism and shaming.

• Don't just celebrate the achievements, but the effort you are making too. Low self-esteem breeds on seeing too many negatives about yourself than positives. You can create more positives by breaking down steps.

2. Focus your time and energy on people who build you up

• Pay attention to how certain people make you feel, and stay close to them and spend more time with them. Notice who helps you feel confident and more like yourself, and who drains your energy or makes you doubt your worth. Low self-esteem will be preserved by the wrong company.

• It's OK to set boundaries with people who affect your self-worth. Setting boundaries is not rejecting people, but telling them from what distance you feel safe with them. It is a sign of self-respect.

• Stop pushing people away because you feel unworthy. This is a major issue for many people. They tend to feel unworthy, therefore they repeatedly drive away those that care about them. This is generally associated with a fear of getting too near.

3. Be kind to yourself

• Try to notice when you are being hard on yourself. Ask yourself: "Would I say this to a friend?" It will probably feel unnatural or uncomfortable to begin with, but we become the habits we cultivate, nurture and practice. Low self-esteem is perpetuated with criticism and self judgment.

• Give yourself permission to be imperfect. You're only human, not a robot.

• Write a compassionate letter addressed to yourself:

  • Acknowledge things about yourself that you are proud of.

  • Forgive yourself for mistakes or failures.

  • Offer understanding and empathy for the difficult experiences you've been through.

4. Start something new

• It could be a new hobby, an old passion you used to enjoy, volunteering, learning a new skill, or joining a local group.

• The aim isn't to be 'good' at it; the aim is to show yourself that you can try new things, grow, and experience joy - one of the important things about being on this planet earth.

• Choose something that feels manageable and enjoyable, not something that feels like a huge challenge.

5. Pay attention to your daily habits

• Sometimes to overcome feelings of low self-esteem is to decide that you are in a pleasant mood. Notice how you wake up - is it joyful? Is it with compassion or positive thoughts about yourself or the day? Can you wake up and begin your day with a certain thought pattern that will serve you and set a good tone for the day? Your low-self esteem can be counteracted by paying closer attention to the way you speak to yourself on a day to day basis.

6. Obsess about your positives

• Stop focusing on what you "hate" about yourself and instead obsess over what you enjoy. Every morning, tell yourself how beautiful you are and how much you adore yourself.

• Stop searching for weaknesses. Face it, everyone has defects, and none of it makes us unworthy. You are still worthy, there are no conditions to yours worth. Compliment yourself every day. Low self-esteem will eventually become high and healthy esteem.

7. Seek help from a psychotherapist

• You don't have to do this alone, you were never meant to!

• Counselling or psychotherapy can help you explore the roots of your self-esteem issues, reconnect with yourself. Therapy can help you understand what the beliefs and attitudes we carry are, and where they have come from, and eventually work through your low self-esteem.Emotions and experiences have to be processed in order to heal. You can find a way towards self-acceptance and increased self-esteem and worth.

• Therapy can be a safe, compassionate space to work through old beliefs and build new, more empowering ones.