Why is divorce so lonely?
Divorce is a type of grief and bereavement. It is the ending of something (although the beginning of another thing). This mourning process is complex and grand. Often individuals are faced with a range of feelings such as anger, regret, betrayal, distrust, shame, guilt and loneliness. It can be challenging to express and share this bag of emotions with others, leaving people feeling alone in their grief.
Anxiety in relationships
Anxiety is a common emotion amongst humans, because at its core, its function is to detect threats and danger and therefore protect us. Anxiety keeps us alert. There is a very natural level of anxiety that we need - to be cautious. But then there is another level of anxiety that can debilitate us, as it becomes a disproportionate response to our environment and reality.
In a relationship, anxiety can manifest in a way that challenges the dynamics between two people, leading to many things such as communication breakdown, distance/withdrawal, sexual difficulties and more.
How long will we have to be in couples therapy?
The type and severity of issues you're coming with, your motivation for change, the length of your relationship and frequency of sessions can all play a factor in how long you need couples therapy for. Communication problems, disagreements about topics such as parenting, finances, career, lifestyle could be worked through within a relatively short time in couples therapy. However, deep chronic issues such as infidelity/affairs, trauma, trust breakdown require longer therapy.
Is it OK to talk about sex in couples therapy?
You should talk about sex in your couples therapy especially if your couples therapist is a psychosexual therapist/sex therapist as well as a relationship therapist. Couples that struggled with emotional intimacy are also likely to struggle with physical intimacy.
Talking about your sexual relationship with your couples therapist is going to help you understanding your needs and boundaries (that might be the root of your communication/relational issues), explore the unmet emotional needs showing up in both your sex life and relational domain. It can also lead to building a healthier and more satisfying connection and bond in your relationship.
Is couples therapy going to save my relationship?
Whilst couples therapy can help your relationship, you cannot lean in too much on the idea that it will "save" your relationship. It is important to be realistic of the various factors and complexities of relationship and power of therapy. Unfortunately, couples therapy is not a magic wand that can put a spell or magic dust on your relationship to save it or "fix it".
Family issues - enmeshment trauma: family won't respect my boundaries
Enmeshment trauma (also seen as over-intimacy or excessive closeness) is a type of emotional trauma that is caused by a lack of clear and healthy boundaries in the family environment and dynamics. Over-intimacy/enmeshment can happen when boundaries (typically between a parent and child) are blurred, overly diffused or even nonexistent. This leads to the child being emotionally fused with the parent's needs, wants, feelings or identity.
What is Gaslighting & the signs to look for?
Gaslighting is form of psychological manipulation where someone makes you doubt you your own experience, perception or memory of an event. Gaslighting can be incredibly subtle and sly, and over time it has the power to erode your confidence in your own reality. This can lead to feelings of confusion, anxiety or co-dependency on the person who is gaslighting you. We can also say it is a form of emotional abuse if it becomes chronic and repeated.
How often do most couples have sex?
There is no normal amount of sex to have. The only normal is to have sex worth having! Comparing your relationship with others' is pointless. If someone is having sex that feel likes a chore, that is not okay. No sex should feel like a chore. Rather, you should want to have sex that is fulfilling and pleasurable (both physically and emotionally). So, if you're having mind-blowing sex once a month, that is great.