How often do most couples have sex?

When it comes to sex there is many people want to know how often they should be doing it. It's understandable why many people are curious, after all sex is linked to many health and wellbeing benefits. Sex has been linked to improved mood, stress relief, better intimacy and improved cardiovascular health. Also, because sex is everywhere in our lives, TV, conversations with people, books, Netflix, Magazines, Social Media - it can give the illusion that others are always having sex.

So, how often are most couples having sex? And what is the normal amount of sex?

Let's look at some statistics:

• Typically the research and studies show that on average, couples in long-term relationships have sex once a week

• Couples who are married or co-habiting have sex more frequently than those who were single, divorced or widowed (who had sex once in the past four weeks, according to a study)

• There are ranges too - not everyone is having sex once a week. Some have sex a few times a week, while others are having sex once a month or less.

• Couples in new relationships tend to have more frequent sex, sometimes 2-4 times a week

• Long-term couples often experience a decline in how often they have sex

What is the normal amount of sex to have?

There is no normal amount of sex to have. The only normal is to have sex worth having!

Comparing your relationship with others' is pointless. If someone is having sex that feel likes a chore, that is not okay. No sex should feel like a chore. Rather, you should want to have sex that is fulfilling and pleasurable (both physically and emotionally). So, if you're having mind-blowing sex once a month, that is great.

We have to focus on what good sex looks and feels like for us

It is only normal that with life transitions, age and live events, that how often you have sex will change or decline.

It is only organic that the longer you are in a relationship, or the older you are, the less sex you may have. Hormones that contribute to sexual desire and sex drive/libido tend to drop over time. On the other hand, bonding hormones increase, which leads to a shift from lust to deeper connection. When we then think about life events and transitions such as stress, having children and routine, our sexual interest and desire will fluctuate.

These things do not mean that we stop being sexual beings. A YouGov poll showed that many in their 50s, 60s and 70s were having sex twice a week, with the average around 0.8 times a week.

There are so many factors that impact reduced sexual frequency, and we need to be aware of them. These can be things like familiarity, routine, not prioritising sexual intimacy, children, workload, stressful live events, finances, sickness and grief.

We can lose focus on what good sex felt like once upon a time. Our task is not to have more sex, but to have sex that we enjoy, feel good about, and that makes us feel good about ourselves and our partners!

Generally, people report to wanting more sex.

Research suggests that almost 50% of women and almost 66% of men want to have sex more often. there is evidence from the Journal of Psychosexual health that women who rarely engage in sex have a 70% higher risk of dying compared to those who have sex at least once per week.

So what we do know is regular sex (once a week) can be good for your mood, immune system and your relationship. Research shows that couples who have sex at least once a week tend to score higher in relationship and sexual fulfilment. Happier couples appear to have sex at least once a week. However, we want to caveat that: if the sex is not worth having, that is, if you're not left feeling good before, during and after the sexual act, then that's problematic. You cannot have mechanical sex once a week and expect fulfilment in yourself, your relationship and wellbeing.

Note: if you are reading this in need of a sex therapist in London to address any psychosexual issues you may be experiencing, please ensure you thoroughly check that the therapist is a qualified psychosexual therapist. Not every therapist specialises in sex issues.