"Why am I losing sexual interest in my partner?"

Losing sexual interest/attraction towards a partner is not uncommon or abnormal. The loss of sexual interest (also seen as low sexual desire/libido) is influenced by a variety of variables that can be psychological, relational or biological. The most important thing to know is that loss of sexual desire or attraction is often a symptom — not the root problem.

Understanding this phenomenon involves considering several key areas:

Psychological Factors

• Stress and Mental Health: High levels of stress, anxiety, and depression can significantly impact sexual desire. When the mind is preoccupied with worries or experiencing emotional distress, it can be difficult to feel sexually interested or attracted to a partner.

• Self-Esteem and Body Image: An individual's self-esteem and body image can play a crucial role in sexual attraction. Negative self-perception can reduce sexual confidence and desire, leading to a decrease in sexual interest toward one's partner.

• Unresolved Conflicts and Resentment: Lingering arguments, unresolved conflicts, and built-up resentment can erode emotional intimacy and, consequently, sexual attraction. Emotional disconnection often leads to a lack of physical desire, thus sexual interest.

Relational Factors

• Communication Issues: Poor communication can create misunderstandings and emotional distance, which in turn can reduce sexual attraction. Effective communication is essential for maintaining a healthy sexual relationship, therefore sexual interest towards partner.

• Routine and Boredom: Long-term relationships can sometimes fall into a routine, leading to boredom. The novelty and excitement of the relationship can fade, resulting in decreased sexual interest.

• Attachment Styles: Different attachment styles can affect how partners connect with each other. For example, an avoidant attachment style might lead to distancing behaviors, reducing sexual interest.

Biological and Physical Factors

• Hormonal Changes: Hormonal fluctuations, such as those occurring during pregnancy, menopause, or due to certain medical conditions, can impact libido and sexual attraction.

• Health Issues: Physical health problems, including chronic illnesses, fatigue, or pain, can reduce sexual desire and sexual interest.

• Medications: Some medications, such as antidepressants or contraceptives, can have side effects that decrease libido, therefore sexual attraction in your partner.

  
  

External Influences

• Lifestyle Changes: Major life changes such as the birth of a child, job changes, or moving to a new location can temporarily shift focus away from the relationship and decrease sexual interest.

• Social and Cultural Factors: Societal and cultural norms, beliefs about sex, and individual upbringing can influence sexual interest and expectations within a relationship.

  
  

  

  Losing sexual interest in your partner needs to be looked at in a context.

Evolutionary and Developmental Perspectives

• Evolutionary Theories: Some evolutionary psychologists suggest that sexual interest might decrease after the initial phase of a relationship to encourage diversification of genetic material and to focus resources on raising offspring.

• Developmental Changes: As individuals grow and change over time, their needs, desires, and attractions may also evolve, leading to changes in sexual attraction within a relationship.

Addressing the Issue

• Open Communication: Discussing feelings and concerns with a partner can help address issues and find solutions.

• Psychosexual/ sex therapy and Counselling: Seeking help from a therapist, especially one specializing in sexual or relational issues, can provide tools and strategies to rekindle sexual interest and attraction.

• Medical Consultation: If hormonal or health issues are suspected, consulting a healthcare provider can identify and treat underlying causes.

• Rekindling Intimacy: Making efforts to reconnect emotionally and physically, trying new activities together, and prioritizing quality time can help reignite sexual interest.

Understanding the multifaceted nature of sexual interest and addressing the underlying causes with empathy and proactive steps can often help in restoring a healthy sexual dynamic in a relationship.

How can Psychotherapy help?

There are many therapists in London that can help you explore the issue of sexual interest in your partner. However, it is important first to make sure the therapist is a 'psychosexual therapist' in London, not just a therapist. Psychosexual therapy is a specialist field that concerns human sexuality and dysfunctions - not every therapist can work with sexual issues. It'll help at times if the therapist is also a couples therapist. Because sexual attraction is not just about sex - it is also about the relationship. Therefore, sometimes you might need to bring your partner into the therapy.

Good Psychotherapy will help you uncover and explore:

• Emotional disconnection or unresolved resentment

• Stress, depression, or anxiety

• Changes in identity, body image, or self-esteem

• Fear of vulnerability or intimacy

• Power struggles or feeling emotionally “parented” or “childed”

• Shifting roles (e.g. new parent, caregiver)

Since the loss of sexual interest often is not the root of the problem, but the symptom, therapy can help you explore deeply the roots of it all.

A qualified psychosexual therapist (or sex therapist) will also help you improve your communication about sex and your sexual, emotional and relational needs. Therapy creates a space where you can talk openly (maybe for the first time) about:

• What turns you on or shuts you down to maintain sexual interest

• What intimacy means to you

• Fears of hurting or disappointing your partner

• Fantasies, needs, and desires you haven’t shared

Many people lose sexual interest because they suppress their erotic selves in the relationship.

A qualified psychosexual therapist (or sex therapist) can also help the individual understand more about the personal/individual factors, so the person's own inner world:

• Past trauma or shame around sex

• Low self-esteem or fear of being seen

• Performance anxiety

• Internalized beliefs like “good people shouldn’t want sex”

These patterns often show up in the relationship, but start within the person.

In summary, there is help out there for reigniting sexual interest towards a partner. There are many sex therapists in London that can help you with this. Remember, make sure the therapist is a qualified psychosexual therapist - experience and knowledge in human sexuality is important.