What kind of patterns am I talking about? Patterns of relating. We all have a particular way in which we respond to other people and our environment.
Someone might have a pattern of avoiding the ‘endings’ of something so they run before something ends. Or they might numb themselves out to not feel the grief of that ending.
Someone might have a pattern of always saying ‘yes’ to a particular authority because of the fear of rejection learnt very early on as a child.
Someone might have a pattern of always choosing partners with low self-esteem because this is the way they know to feel ‘secure’ and more superior because of the type of partners they saw to be chosen by their caregivers.
The first step of realising these patterns is to become aware of them, then to accept them. To wholeheartedly admit that we have a pattern. Not to defend it, justify it or ridicule it. Just accept what is.
The more we accept and raise our awareness the better we can see ourselves externally executing these patterns of relating. This then can give us a whole new level of discipline - we know then that every time life presents the tempting opportunity to to perfectly act out our pattern - we don’t. We respond differently. We respond in a way that is functional instead of dysfunctional.
Respond differently. Sounds easy but it isn’t, because that pattern is your comfort zone. There will come a day where you will respond differently. As long as you keep staying aware and observing what is going on. You can respond differently and adopt new mechanisms. You really can.