Our closest relationships in life, often romantic relationships, are the ones in which we are going to want to shine in the most. It also means that those are the ones in which our true selves will come through the most. It is in intimate relationships the facade drops, as the other gets to see parts of us we may not show to others.
This means, such as in romantic relationships, it is our partners who are going to see parts of us we least want to be seen. This is where we can’t ‘monitor’ as much as we’d like. This can be a very vulnerable experience, as it also explains why if we feel that deep down we are lacking and ‘bad’, the more afraid we become of what our partners might see. Hence, the more defence mechanisms kick in. The more we reveal of ourselves the more needy we get of their approval.
We may also struggle accepting their love since we don’t believe it (“I’m not what they think I am” “they must be blind”).
It is indeed in the eyes of our partners we want to shine the most. So it’s helpful if we remember that in these relationships we are going to be confronted with our shadow - the parts we are uncomfortable with. Whether we want to do the work is up to us.